If I Only Knew Then What I Know Now

I can remember hearing those words so vividly as a child. I would hear it from my mother and then my father. I would hear it from him as he would reminisce about the old days. " If only I could do it all over again." I'd listen, maybe roll my eyes and think to myself:" Oh boy here he goes again." I never really understood what they were talking about. Oh I knew what the words meant, but I didn't really know what they meant. That is until recently.

As we get older and proverbially wiser, we tend to have these epiphanies. Revelations that cause a cartoon-like light bulb to turn on over our heads. "Ooooh that's what it's about" or "That's what they meant." I can see myself slapping my forehead as I say it. These are the moments when you can almost say that you have uncovered one of the many mysteries of life. Or as Curly would say in the movie City Slickers, the one thing.

I have been having quite a few of those lately. They come in waves. Increments even. Is this the process that takes us through life? Do we then teach others what we have learned while earning the right to use the phrase? "If I only knew then what I know now."

One of the memories I have about hearing this is how demeaning it sounded. Almost like someone saying: "Oh you foolish child." Yet in hind-sight I can say I was a foolish child.

When I was fourteen I thought I knew it all. I can remember thinking how incompetent and mentally challenged so many people in my life where. Looking back, I may have thought I knew it all, but I can tell you honestly I didn't know squat. I learn so much each day that to say I know it all would be a gross overstatement. I still don't know squat, but I do know more than I did when I was fourteen.

I can only pray that I am blessed enough to live long enough to say I learned a lot. Maybe even be able to say. . . I know squat. But for now I will simply say: "If I only knew then what I know now."